my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
