i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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