I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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