Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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