i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
