we have pet lesbian snakes
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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