I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
