drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
