What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
