just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
