3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
