You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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