Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
