found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I enjoy the company of your penis
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
