Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
