I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
