It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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