I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
