i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
