My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
