Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize