Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
