she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
