P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
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