i always forget guys have bellybuttons
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
