I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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