Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
