This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
