return my video game
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
