Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
