I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
