Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize