ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
two words: eviction party
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
