I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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