her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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