Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
