just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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