just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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