Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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