i don't like sucking hair
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
