it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
