He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
