I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
