this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I think i got beer on your cat.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize