She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
