Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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