I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
