Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
