It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
