i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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