how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
