Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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