Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So here I am, sexting at work.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
