Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
