yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
