what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
