It's Friday. Sex?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
