drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
