I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
