I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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