That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Everyone says I win the strip club
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
