but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
