I only kidnapped one of them. chill
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
