are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize