Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
