after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
