Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
