I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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