i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
