I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
don't judge my taste in strippers
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
